5 Self-Defeating Strategies

We are in the middle of a great series on trying to figure out “what went wrong” — in a marriage, with my kids, with someone at work, church, the neighborhood or school. “What went wrong” with out finances, my career, etc.

WEEK 1: 3 PROBLEMS IN THE HUMAN HEART

Every human being deals with 3 things in their heart that help create messes:

1. “Folly” – “I want what I want.”

The desire for my needs to be met is prominent even when we “hide” it with, “my kids are most important,” or “my family is most important.” Folly in my heart means I will naturally attach prominence to my desires. I will expect them to be met by my kids, my family, etc., even without knowing it. How do you know that’s true? Easy: tell me what you get angry about or with.

2. “Madness” – “I deserve it.”

We inflate our own desires and justify them in a thousand different ways. The end product is our “folly” is now “justified.” “I want what I want, and I deserve it.” We rarely question this working assumption. In fact, most of our conflicts come from fighting over this very premise: “I want what I want, and I deserve it.”  

3. “Evil” – “I don’t want to harm anyone, but I will if I need to.”

No one wants to think of themselves as “evil,” because we define someone who is “evil” as an ax murderer. The bible defines “evil” as someone who does harm for their own benefit. Our form of harm is not with an ax. It is usually with our tongue and attitude. We “faithfully” (whether overtly or covertly) let people know when they have not met our needs, and though we don’t leave permanent physical scars we usually do leave permanent emotional scars. Our words and attitudes can be as cutting as a sharp sword.

Put folly, madness, and “evil” together and this is what you have:

“I want what I want (prominent). I deserve it (it’s justified). I’ll harm you if need be.”

Of course, we’d never say these things but they underlie all of our interactions. You may not be able to see these things in yourself, but others will feel the effect of these things. They are the termites in the wood, the virus in the computer, the hidden components reeking destruction in our day-to-day lives.  

That was WEEK 1.

WEEK 2 later…