Okay, so maybe going under general anesthetic for a simple shoulder surgery isn’t really statistically all that dangerous. Still, after having been through surgery before, I’ve learned two things: First, I don’t like the feeling of going under. I feel like I’m going unwillingly into a bad dream…shudder. Second, I tend to fixate several days before on the very small possibility of, what if I don’t wake up? What if my next stop is the presence of my Lord. I know the rules: saved by grace, through faith, and this not of myself. It is the gift of God. Would God accept me as I am? My head answer is yes, but the problem is, I also still know the sin that is in my heart.
I suppose it’s not really all that bad to think about those things. As believers, sometimes I think we kind of skate through the busyness of our lives knowing in our head that it really should be about the advancement of God’s kingdom, but still pretty focused on trying to make our own lives as successful and comfortable as possible. The bible instructs us to “be ready” (Luke 12:40) and to “walk worthy” (Eph 4:1) in our everyday lives. I suppose even a “brush with death” can bring us closer to God if it correctly reorients our thinking.